I’ve been wrestling with whether or not to tell this story, but I’m feeling brave. As I mentioned in this article, in 2021, I burned every bridge in my life. I also began mistrusting people altogether. I’ve always been very introverted (a “homebody” according to my mom) and the older I got, the farther away from people I wanted to live.
I always had hermit tendencies but starting at age 29, I went fully into it with few exceptions. I was seeing friends once or twice a month towards the end (the beginning being May 5th of 2021, and only keeping touch with a few people online. I stopped being able to relate to people, and woke up with anxiety every day. In 2021, as the year progressed leading up to May, I lost interest in everything I valued.
I didn’t want to use my tarot cards, go outside, meditate, paint, make music, or read anymore. I even stopped exercising and stretching, I gave up on eating healthy altogether. I felt dead and restless. All I could do was binge watch movies and series. I didn’t want to chat with Emil or Filip, my closest friends at the time. I was heartbroken from an event that happened at the end of 2020 and didn’t recover until 505.
My tarot cards, which I’ve known to predict the future accurately, were telling me that major spiritual changes lay ahead. I’ve been known to sense changes in the future accurately, and felt the following in January of 2021:
-This will be the best year of my life (true)
-By July, I’ll be fully in the swing of something big and lifechanging (true)
-By July, I’ll have a different job situation and social situation (true)
-In Autumn, I will move but I won’t plan it. It will be necessary spontaneously (true)
2021 was a major psychic awakening for me. As I said, I’ve been able to sense things accurately in the past and I’ve also dreamed future events several times. My earliest memories of this were being able to feel which days certain kids would be absent. Psychic abilities don’t work the way some imagine where you tell someone what to pick up on.
You cannot always choose what you’re sensing. My feelings come to me spontaneously, although I’ve had some success with tapping into future events with accuracy.
In 2021, I became so psychic that I asked my friend to test it out. He asked where on his body his birthmark is and I could sense where it was! I was right. I have also predicted events correctly, such as a time when I was 20 and living in Nebraska.
I felt that our friend group would be going their separate ways soon and that everything would change overnight but not for any specific reason (such as drama). It happened.
In jail, the day they transferred me to the psych ward, I felt that I’d be going somewhere. I had been in jail for 7.5 months without knowing how long I was going to be there. After 505, the premonitions have gotten very specific and accurate. As I wrote about in my intro article, I was under demonic influence and delusional. I stopped paying all of my bills, etc.
I became even more avoidant towards people, and lost touch with everyone in my life. I got rid of my phone and computer. I sold my car. I started feeling like I was going to die, but I thought it would be random (not suicide). I kept waiting for it to happen, especially after the omens started. I stayed holed up in my apartment for months that spring and summer, all the way until November 5th, when I left to live in an extended stay hotel.
By the time I left my apartment, I felt sorry for whoever would find it because it looked so insane. The walls were covered in art, murals and text. I had painted the door black.
My toilet had also broken and I couldn’t fathom borrowing someone’s phone to try to have it fixed. I had no way to access the Internet. That was why I had to leave. Another moment that made me feel personally blessed by angels was discovering my tablet, fully functioning, in my closet when I desperately needed it.
I had discovered it months earlier, submerged in a puddle of water pouring from the ceiling in my second bedroom. I set it aside to dry out and must have forgotten to throw it away, but it miraculously turned on when I needed it that autumn. I was able to walk down to Casey’s (a convenience shop) and use the WiFi.
In September, I had the idea that I was supposed to commit suicide. I tried to decide on a method and realized it should be drowning. In preparation, I tried to drink on an empty stomach, with no alcohol tolerance, and stayed sober. It was about 8 shots of tequila! I consider that an inexplicable miracle, along with this:
I decided to try to drown myself. I figured my body would put up a fight, but that I could use willpower to override it and follow through. As soon as I realized I want to attempt this, I noticed that I had forgotten to drain the water from the tub earlier. I had never done that before.
I was kneeling in the tub and just forced my head under and took the deepest breath I could. I felt nothing, but my body popped back up so fast I couldn’t believe it! Even with my conviction to kill myself, my survival impulse was that powerful. I forced my head under once again and did the same thing, with the same result. This all happened very fast. I came back up in sheer disbelief as I didn’t even cough.
I woke up with wet hair, or I would think I dreamed it. How do you explain this?! It wouldn’t be possible to hallucinate such an event. I am certain I breathed in the water. I was unharmed. I think about this all the time, but people never know what to say when I tell them about it.
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