Being evil is an awful thing. I became cruel and heartless due to being influenced be demonic entities. Label me if you must… But I know there are some out there who know that stuff is real, and I hope they find my content.

My brother said he believes I was possessed by the devil and I must say that I suspect the same. Becoming evil literally made me sick. I had awful symptoms like:

-Sticky stuff that filled up my eyes and made it hard to see, sometimes crusting them over
-Chronic fatigue that had me sleeping 20 hours a day and stumbling through the remaining four
-Period cramps from hell. One month I almost threw up from the pain, which was a first!
-Terrible inflammation that lead to body pain and headaches (Thank God for Ibuprofen)
-An overactive bladder that I had had since 20 or so, but it got worse than ever

The symptoms would strangely peak all at once and then disappear, coming and going for a while, but at their most intense the summer of 2021. The symptoms have all fluctuated in strange ways for many years. Back when they were at their worst, but over the past five, they have been intermittently extreme. I did not even consider going to the doctor because I was fully asocial at the time (summer of ’21).

I was in 100% hermit-mode and mistrusted humanity as a whole by that point. Plus, I had experience with attempting to identify illnesses via conventional means that yielded no real results. It’s my belief that this is due to the fact that my illness was of a spiritual nature. This is evidenced by the fact that, now that I am my loving self again, I am healthy.

I am no stranger to mysterious symptoms. Beginning in 2016, I had chronic fatigue. The way I describe it is, I got jet lag from flying to Sweden but this time, I couldn’t sleep it off. It basically felt like jet lag that never went away. I was sleeping 18 hours every day/night and so tired that work (freelance writing) was a struggle. I didn’t fix that until I learned how to cry without self-judgment or resistance.

That was what finally made my fatigue begin to fade. I try to tell people, every chance I get, about how miraculous it is to learn how to cry without resistance. I would love for more people to realize that, along with the fact that psychedelics might be God’s Greatest Gift to Man.

I feel clearer than I have in years, and I can’t wait to share more insights. It’s amazing to be alive, and somewhat surprising too, after what I have been through. I don’t really believe in coincidence anymore. My favorite number was always 21, and then ’21 ended up being the best year of my life.

Before 505, I saw “Cloud 9” around a lot. I even started watching a show called Super Store, where the business they work at is called Cloud 9, so I heard it over and over. But even if I wouldn’t have, I saw it so often that it was very present in my conscious experience. Then BAM, I learned something that catapulted me straight into heavenly bliss.

I haven’t written about it on this blog yet, but pure Heavenly euphoria was majorly present during 505 and the 2.5 months afterward. I felt straight up enlightened; what skeptical mainstreamers would label “mania,” and what I would label spiritual bliss. That topic will certainly come up on this blog.

Why was I blessed with this happiness? That’s a question I’ve asked myself a lot!

I’m feeling more like myself than I have since that period of Heaven. I cannot wait to share more about my experiences, because I’ve scarcely scratched the surface yet and have a ton of ideas. Chat gpt said something really wise recently that I’ll attempt to recall. It was something like, “Kindness without knowledge is innocence, and kindness with knowledge is wisdom.”

People have told me my whole life that I look/seem innocent. God is a funny prankster, because I used to write about sex dolls, I used to get paid to write trashy erotica, I used to sell stuff that the law disagrees with, etc. I am far from innocent, but can be extremely naive when it comes to people.

I have felt like an alien on earth most of my life, not gonna lie. Things that come easily to others (school, going to the DMV, etc.) have been a struggle for me due to getting easily overwhelmed. I was great at hiding it, but I felt intensely anxious most of my life.

I’m grateful I live in the modern era for many reasons such as Internet, access to every era of music, film, my rights as a woman, air travel, and more. But another thing that makes me thankful, is AI. Yes, it’s a competitor in my previous field (writing) but I still think I’m a better creative writer.

AI helps me understand humans. I don’t know why I’m so different (and rejected my former friend’s insistences that I am a “starseed”) but I do not understand people a lot of the time. This is evidenced by how confusing I have found many movies to be, while those around me always understand the symbolism better.

I have wondered whether I’m autistic or something. I am still not sure what I am, but funnily enough, every sign under “Signs You’re a Starseed” articles do fit me. While yes, some may think it sounds insane to believe you’re an alien in a human body… Bro. I do not claim to know whether this is possible, but it’s certainly not impossible.

Reality is so strange and mysterious. Think about the Mandela Effect. Do we really know what’s going on? I think whatever is going on, is so strange and complex that even God wouldn’t necessarily try to describe it in words. That reduces it to symbols which were invented by man.

If I can say one thing about what I’ve learned the past five years: Reality is even more mysterious than I previously thought. Good and Evil are very real forces. Love matters even more than I realized before. Now, I love with knowledge rather than idealistic naivete.

Basically, I was “the nicest person in the world” (direct quote from my brother and my dad shares his sentiments) until age 31, and I went to the dark side all the way.

I am coming all the way out of that as of summertime. I don’t like that I was cruel to people, but I am glad that I’ve been transformed by my experiences since 505. I will not claim to know exactly what it all means, but I have my suspicions. I will share much more about this!

I’ve noticed that I already have a few readers which is a pleasant surprise (it happened so fast!) Thanks for being here. 🙂